WWF Raw Parody
by McGigolo
Summary: I wrote this a long long time ago and it sucks and that's my story


[Raw opens]  
*Fireworks*  
  
JR: Welcome everybody to Sold out Foxborough Stadium in Foxborough Massachusetts. I'm Good `ol JR at ringside along with Jerry "The King" Lawler. We're set for a jam packed show tonight.  
King: That's right JR this is the first ever WWF event held in a football stadium with no roof! *Laughs*   
JR: Tonight we have the long awaited match between Chyna and Chirs Jericho for the IC Championship  
King: Ooooh i can't wait for that match JR, the kittens!....the puppies!.......and Chyna *Laughs*  
JR: Plus tonight we have the second ever good house-keeping match between.....Xpac and Kane!?!? Uhhhhh is this a typo in the script!?  
King *Laughs* Looks liek the newly weds are having a fight!  
JR: What are you talking about??  
King: Oh c'mon JR you *know* what I'm taking about *Laughs*  
JR: ...........  
King: *Laughs* Anyway those two look-alikes of Kane and Xpac will be at ringside, Matt and Jeff Hardy...*Nudges JR* I wonder why! *Laughs*  
JR: Oh...............k  
  
[Stone Cold Entrance Music]  
*Stone Cold goes into ring*  
  
King: I wonder why the former champ current loser Stone Cold is out here?  
JR: You keep on takin like that and Stone Cold will whip your ass  
King: *Laughs* I could take him on! He can't even get a measely championship  
Stone Cold: Alright Rock so ya won the damn the Championship but you betta listen boy cuz Stone Cold's gunna beat your sorry ass tonight in this ring! I'm gettin back what's mine! And that's all I gut tah say about that!  
  
[HHH Entrance Music]  
*HHH and three Chyna's appear*  
  
HHH: You think your the only one who lost the championship!? Why don't you listen up! There's gunna be another match tonight too, whoever wins your match fights me for the Championship!  
  
[Rock Entrance Music]  
*Rock stands at entrance*  
  
Rock: The Rock says this Jabroni's you had your shot at the championships and ya lost. The Rock feels bad for ya so I'll tell ya what I'm gunna do....I'm gunna give the belt to you....*Audience gasps*....then I'm gunna shine it up real nice *Audience Cheers* turn that sumbitch sidewats and stick it straight up YOUR CANDY ASS!!!! *Audience goes into convulsions*  
  
King: *Laughs*  
  
*HHH Charges after the Rock who beats the crap our of him*  
  
[Commerical]  
*Show returns*  
  
[Xpac Entrance Music]  
*Xpac goes into the ring full of household appliences and does suck it thing*  
  
Xpac: Kane I gave your sorry ass a chance, but it's just not working out! You don't know how to do dishes or vacuum or even frigging talk! I've had it! So here's the deal....if you win the match I'll back off....if I win the match...we get a divorce *Audience goes completly silent*  
JR: DIVORCE!?!?  
King: *Laughs* Told ya JR  
JR: What in the hell is Xpac talking about!?  
  
[Kane Entrance Music]   
*Kane stands at entrance*  
  
Xpac: C'mon Kane! We have to do this, it's for our own good!  
Kane (Really sad): SEAN   
Xpac: I know, I know....we have to do this...we have to...  
Kane: SHUT UP  
Xpac: Huh???  
*Kane charges into the ring and chokeslams Xpac*  
*Xpac grabs a red hot iron and slams it into Kane's face*  
*Kane kicks Xpac in the balls and chokeslams him into a washing machine and turns it on*  
JR: Oh my lord what is Kane doing!  
King: *Laughs* He's doing the laundrey JR  
*Kane takes a soaked Xpac out and throws him in a pot and covers it*  
King: *Laughs* Mmmm mmmm Xpac soup, I guess we'll all be doing what Xpac tells us and Suck it! *Laughs*  
JR: WTF are you talking about!? Someone needs to stop this!  
  
[Hardy Boys Entrance Music]  
*They run into the ring and try and pull back Kane*  
  
Matt: STOP!  
Jeff: YOU CAN't DO THIS!  
Matt: Yeah! Don't you know....he's our dad! *Audience gasps*  
Kane: WHAT!?  
Xpac (Inside pot): It's true....and Kane.....your........your their Mother...  
*Kane drops the pot which rolls out of the ring throwing Xpac into the spanish announcment table*  
*Xpac gets up*  
Xpac: It's true...about 25 years ago I got you so drunk that you did whatever I wanted  
JR: Oh my God someone needs to stop this!  
King: *Laughs*   
  
[Undertaker Entrance Music]  
*Undertaker and Paul Bearer stnad on the rapm*  
  
Undertaker: Jeff...Matt...why would you want to live with these two. Come live with your Uncle Undertaker mwahahahaha  
Paul: Wellll wellll wellll  
*Matt and Jeff run and hug their Uncle*  
  
[Terri Reynold Entrance Music]  
*Terri and Gangrel stand at entrance*  
  
Terri: Don't listen to any of these...err people...I'm your *real* Mother!  
Gangrel: And I'm your Dad!  
Matt and Jeff: Whaaaat!?  
  
[Edge/Christian Entrance Music]  
*Edge and Christian appear from the audience*  
  
Edge: You lie you bitch! We're your sons!  
Christian: Yeah!  
Terri: Uhhh no....  
Gangrel: Your not her sons....your my brothers!  
Christian: What!?!  
Undertaker: You can't be their brother! Your my grandfather!  
Paul: WHAT!? That means your my father!?  
Gangrel: That's not true! Because....Im....YOUR SON!  
Xpac: Your not his son! I'm his son!  
Paul: If your my son then your married to your brother!  
Edge: He's not married to his brother! He's married to *my* brother!  
Xpac: Who's your brother!?  
Terri: Not me cuz I'm your sister!  
Gangrel: If your his sister and I'm his brother then I'm your brother too! I'm married to my sister and he's married to my brother.  
Edge: I thought we were your brothers!  
Gangrel: That means Terri is my mother!  
Terri: I thought I was your sister!?!  
*Kane pulls out a gun and shots each and everyone of them*  
Kane: SHUT UP  
Xpac (Dying): Huh?  
*Fires more shots*  
Xpac: Hey what are you doing!?  
Kane: WHY WON'T YOU DIE  
*Fires more*  
Xpac: C'mon Kane that hurts!  
*Fires more and more*  
Xpac: This is kind of turning me on....  
*Puts gun in mouth, fires*  
  
[Xpac Exit Music]  
*Xpac gets up and walks out of blood soaked ring*  
  
[Commerical]  
*Show returns, GTV Video during the break of Vince and JR*  
  
JR: Of all the things I've seen on this show this was the worst! I've had it with this show, I'm sorry Vince, but I gutta leave! I quit!  
Vince: Now c'mon JR you can't be serious. We need you here at the WWF, this was all just a publicisity stunt!  
JR: Publicisity stunt my ass, those people are dead!   
Vince: But think of the ratings!  
JR: Screw the ratings! Ratings mean nothing if people die!  
Vince: Alright listen fat man, you will not dis the ratings! They've sky rocketed! Now get your ass back down that ramp and finish your job!  
JR: NO  
Vince: That's it *Snaps fingers* *Doctors come and tranquilize JR  
  
*Back to the show*  
  
King: *Laughs* So JR how ya feeling?  
JR(Monotone voice): I...feel....fine  
King: *Laughs*  
  
[Jericho Entrance Music]  
*Countdown clock, Jericho stands at entrance*  
  
Jericho: Welcome to Raw is Jericho!  
*Walks down to ring*  
  
[Chyna Entrance Music]  
*Three Chynas stand and out their arms on their hips and walk down to ring*  
  
Chyna: Welcome to Chyna's World....you think you can just come here and try and take MY belt away! HA  
Miss Kitty: HA  
Debra: HA  
Chyna: Will you two shut up!  
Miss Kitty & Debra: Yes Ms. Chyna  
Jericho: HA Hiding behind your cronies!  
King: He should talk *Laughs*  
Jericho: What was that!?  
JR: You...heard...him  
Chyna: Theyre both right, now lets get at it bitch!  
*They fight*  
*Chyna gives low-blow*  
*Jericho bounces off ropes into Chyna*  
*Jericho gets on top of turnbuckle*  
*Debra shakes the ropes and Jeircho falls on the turnbuckle*  
*Miss Kitty tries to push him off the ring but he grabs her and they both go flying*  
*Debra helps Miss Kitty up and Jericho goes after them*  
*Chyna grabs him by the hair and is about to Pedigre him*  
*Jericho kicks out of it and grabs a chair and hits Chyna when the refs not looking*  
*Debra and Miss Kitty try to distract the ref*  
King: *Laughs* here kitty...here kitty.....ooohhhh look at the puppies JR!  
JR: Yes...puppies...ruff ruff  
King: *Laughs*  
*While the refs distracted Chyna drop kicks Jericho and throws him into the spanish announcment table*  
*Debra and Miss Kitty hand Chyna the IC Belt and she beats Jericho repeaditly*  
Chyna: TAKE THAT BITCH! YEAH! We're not in a God damn good house keeping match this time! I can use the belt! Not like that asshalf Jeff Jarett! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
*Jericho manages to get up and steals the IC Belt from Chyna and runs up the ramp backstage*  
Chyna: THAT BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KITTY! DEBRA! ATTACK!  
*The three Chynas rush out of the ring and up the ramp*  
King: *Laughs* Pupppppiiiiiiiieeeeesssss waaaaaiiiiiitttt *Jumps out of chair after the three Chynas*  
JR: Ruff ruff......  
  
[Backstage]  
  
Chyna: Jeeerrriiiiiichooooooo  
Debra: Jericho!  
Miss Kitty: Jericho!!  
King: Puppiiieeesss! Kitteeeenns!!  
Chyna: THERE HE IS!   
Jericho: Ohhhhh crap  
*Jericho, the three Chynas, and The King run down the hall and make their way into the audience*  
*Chyna pounces onto Jericho and beats him*  
*Jericho pushes her off and runs down the isle*  
*An obbsesive fan leaps out of the audience into the isle and starts screaming gibberish*  
*She tackles Jericho and kisses him all over his face*  
*Chyna runs up and grabs the belt*  
*A helicopter randomly comes down and arilifts Chyna hanging onto the door, Debra grabs Chynas feet and Miss Kitty grabs Debras feet and the King leaps into the air but misses and falls into the audience*  
*Jericho is taking into protective custody and the fan is put into a Hannibal Lector restraint for the duration of the show*  
  
[Commerical]  
*Show returns*  
  
[Moolah Entrance Music]  
*Moolah goes into ring*  
  
King: Ahhhhhh since when is this stadium Jurassic Park! *Laughs*  
JR: Yes....fun...ny....  
  
[Mae Young Entrance Music]  
*Mae Young goes into ring*  
  
Mae: Your gunna get it bitch!  
Moolah: Ah shut up ya old bitch  
Mae: Look who's talking!  
Moolah: You suck! Oh God I need my resperator  
*Mae leaps at Moolah but misses horribly and dies*  
*Moolah takes her respoerator and beats the lifeless body of Mae Young*  
*She has a heart attack, but the paramedics inject her with something and she becomes better*  
Lillian Garcia: The winner and still Woman's champion, The Fabulou......*Interupted*  
?: NOT SO FAST....  
Moolah: WTF!?  
*A giant shadow befalls Foxborough Stadium*  
King: *Laughs* Is this the end of the world JR?  
JR: J......R........  
King: *Laughs*  
*A woman's scream is heard far away and gets closer and closer as the shadow becomes smaller*  
*A firy ball crashes into the ring and kills Moolah*  
King: *Laughs* It's the meteor that killed the dinosaurs!  
*A parachute comes slowly floating down by itself*  
*The thing that crashed gets up...it's a large woman with blinding pink hair, bright purple bikini, and tons of bright makeup*  
?: Mwa hahahahahaha I AM.....BIG...BAD....HOBOMAMMA!!!  
King: HoboMamma??? *Laughs* She's not yo daddy huh JR?  
JR: Ho...bo.......Mamma........  
HoboMamma: Ohhhhhh yeah baybee this it, the WWF is fiannaly saved at last! Now get the hell out of my way jerk ass *Throws Lillian off the ring*   
HoboMamma: Now as for this little women's championship, I'll be taking it thank you! Uhhhh huh and if your not down with that I've got 11 words for ya! Who's yo daddy!? Not me cuz I'm yo Big Bad HoboMamma!  
*HoboMamma runs up the ramp and leaves, the audience sits silently*  
King: *Laughs*  
  
[Commerical]  
*Show returns*  
  
[Rock Entrance Music]  
*Rock goes into the ring*  
  
Rock: Finnaly The Rock has come back to Foxborough!  
*Audience cheers*  
Rock: If yaaaaa smeeellllalalala what The Rock.................  
*HoboMamma oh so randomly appears*  
HoboMamma: Listen bitch, I'm the woman's champ your the world champ. We need more belts and we're gunna get them. Ohhhh yeah baybee, we're tag team partners now bitch. We're gunna the Tag Team Championship on SmackDown and if you have a problem with that you can kiss my big bad HoboAss...  
*HoboMamma randomly leaves*  
Rock: .......is........cookin?........  
JR: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO   
*JR goes on a wild rampage and bites the Rock's arm*  
King: *Laughs* We'll see you all next time on Smackdown  
*Camera pans away showing JR knawing on the Rock, a crashed helicopter outside the Stadium, and the obbsesive fan breaking free of her restraints*  
  
*Show ends*  
  
  
  
  



End file.
